301
Admidst the mists and coldest frosts,
With stoutest wrists and loudest boasts,
He thrusts his fists against the posts,
And still insists he sees the ghosts.
302
Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear,
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair,
Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't very fuzzy,
was he?
303
Blue glue gun, green glue gun.
304
Betty bought some butter,
but the butter Betty bought was bitter,
so Betty bought some better butter,
and the better butter Betty bought
was better than the bitter butter Betty bought before!
305
Toy boat, toy boat, toy boat, ...
306
Mallory's hourly salary.
307
I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit, and on that slitted sheet I sit.
308
Don't spring on the inner-spring this spring or there will be an offspring next spring.
309
A flea and a fly in a flue,
were imprisoned. So what could they do?
Said the fly, ""Let us flee"".
Said the flea, ""Let us fly"".
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.
310
King Thistle stuck a thousand thistles in the thistle of his thumb.
A thousand thistles King Thistle stuck in the thistle of his thumb.
If King Thistle stuck a thousand thistles in the thistle of his thumb,
How many thistles did King Thistle stick in the thistle of his thumb?
311
Five fat friars frying flat fish.
312
The bottle of perfume that Willy sent
was highly displeasing to Millicent.
Her thanks were so cold
that they quarreled, I'm told
o'er that silly scent Willy sent Millicent
313
Esau Wood sawed wood. All the wood Esau Wood saw, Esau Wood would saw. All the wood Wood saw, Esau sought to saw. One day Esau Wood's wood-saw would saw no wood. So Esau Wood sought a new wood-saw. The new wood-saw would saw wood. Oh, the wood Esau Wood would saw. Esau sought a saw that would saw wood as no other wood-saw would saw. And Esau found a saw that would saw as no other wood-saw would saw. And Esau Wood sawed wood.
314
Betty bought some bitter butter
and it made her batter bitter,
so Betty bought some better butter
to make her bitter batter better.
315
A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk,
but the stump thunk the skunk stunk.
316
I'm not the fig plucker,
nor the fig pluckers' son,
but I'll pluck figs
Till the fig plucker comes.
317
Extinct insects' instincts, extant insects' instincts.
by Pierre Abbat
318
The sixth sheik's sixth sheep 's sick.
319
Sweater weather, leather weather.
320
One black beetle bled only black blood, the other black beetle bled blue.
321
The big black bug's blood ran blue.
322
I am not the pheasant plucker,
I'm the pheasant plucker's mate.
I am only plucking pheasants
'cause the pheasant plucker's running late.
323
Ed Nott was shot and Sam Shott was not. So it is better to be Shott than Nott. Some say Nott was not shot. But Shott says he shot Nott. Either the shot Shott shot at Nott was not shot, or Nott was shot. If the shot Shott shot shot Nott, Nott was shot. But if the shot Shott shot shot Shott, the shot was Shott, not Nott. However, the shot Shott shot shot not Shott - but Nott. So, Ed Nott was shot and that's hot! Is it not?
324
We will learn why her lowly lone, worn yarn loom will rarely earn immoral money.
by Ray Weisling
325
Unique New York, unique New York, unique New York, ...
326
If Dr. Seuss Were a Technical Writer.....
Here's an easy game to play.
Here's an easy thing to say:
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!
You can't say this? What a shame, sir!
We'll find you another game, sir.
If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!
When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk,
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to ram your rom.
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!
from the Unix fortune database, attributed to
DementDJ@ccip.perkin-elmer.com in the rec.humor.funny newsgroup
327
Picky people pick Peter Pan Peanut Butter.
Peter Pan Peanut is the peanut picky people pick.
328
Ray Rag ran across a rough road.
Across a rough road Ray Rag ran.
Where is the rough road Ray Rag ran across?
329
Elmer Arnold
personal name
330
A Tudor who tooted the flute
tried to tutor two tooters to toot.
Said the two to the tutor,
""Is it harder to toot or
to tutor two tooters to toot?""
331
Mrs Puggy Wuggy has a square cut punt.
Not a punt cut square,
Just a square cut punt.
It's round in the stern and blunt in the front.
Mrs Puggy Wuggy has a square cut punt.
332
Tim, the thin twin tinsmith.
333
Thin sticks, thick bricks
334
Red lorry, yellow lorry.
335
A big black bug bit a big black bear and made the big black bear bleed blood.
336
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck
if a wooodchuck could chuck wood?
A woodchuck would chuck all the wood
a woodchuck could chuck
if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
337
Larry Hurley, a burly squirrel hurler, hurled a furry squirrel through a curly grill.
338
Six twin screwed steel steam cruisers.
339
A nurse anesthetist unearthed a nest.
340
How much sh*t can a sh*t slinger sling
If a sh*t slinger could sling sh*t?
He'd sling as much sh*t as a sh*t slinger could
If a sh*t slinger could sling sh*t!
341
I thought a thought.
But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought.
If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought,
I wouldn't have thought so much.
342
She sells sea shells on the seashore.
The seashells she sells are seashells she is sure.
343
From the programmer's desk:
She sells cshs by the C shore.
344
A noise annoys an oyster, but a noisy noise annoys an oyster more!
345
Plain bun, plum bun, bun without plum.
346
There was a young man called Fisher
who was fishing for fish in a fissure.
Then a cod with a grin
pulled the fisherman in.
Now they're searching the fissure for Fisher.
347
Slick slim slippers sliding south.
348
The Leith police dismisseth us
They thought we sought to stay;
The Leith police dismisseth us
They thought we'd stay all day.
The Leith police dismisseth us,
We both sighed sighs apiece;
And the sighs that we sighed as we said goodbye
Were the size of the Leith police.
349
Ah shucks, six stick shifts stuck shut!
350
Meter maid Mary married manly Matthew Marcus Mayo,
a moody male mailman moving mostly metered mail.
351
The king would sing, about a ring that would go ding.
352
How much dough would Bob Dole dole
if Bob Dole could dole dough?
Bob Dole would dole as much dough
as Bob Dole could dole,
if Bob Dole could dole dough.
353
People pledging plenty of pennies.
354
Mares eat oats and does eat oats, but little lambs eat ivy.
From a pre-war English music-hall song.
355
To begin to toboggan first, buy a toboggan.
But do not buy too big a toboggan!
Too big a toboggan is too big a toboggan to buy to begin to toboggan.
356
Courtney Dworkin
personal name
357
Switch watch, wrist watch.
358
Six thick thistle sticks.
359
Black bug's blood
360
Moses supposes his toeses are roses,
but Moses supposes erroneously.
For Moses, he knowses his toeses aren't roses,
as Moses supposes his toeses to be.
Donald O'Connor and Gene Kelly in ""Singing in the rain""
361
I wish I were what I was when I wished I were what I am.
362
She sells seashells on the seashore. The seashells she sells are seashore seashells.
363
Irish wristwatch
364
She had shoulder surgery.
365
To put a pipe in byte mode, type PIPE_TYPE_BYTE.
from the Visual C++ help file.
366
Three Tree Turtles
Three tree turtles took turns talking tongue twisters.
If three tree turtles took turns talking tongue twisters,
where's the twisters the three tree turtles talked?
367
My Friend Gladys
Oh, the sadness of her sadness when she's sad.
Oh, the gladness of her gladness when she's glad.
But the sadness of her sadness,
and the gladness of her gladness,
Are nothing like her madness when she's mad!
368
I would if I could, and if I couldn't, how could I?
You couldn't, unless you could, could you?
Common school kids nonsense, circa 1910
369
real rear wheel
370
Give me the gift of a grip-top sock,
A clip drape shipshape tip top sock.
Not your spinslick slapstick slipshod stock,
But a plastic, elastic grip-top sock.
None of your fantastic slack swap slop
From a slap dash flash cash haberdash shop.
Not a knick knack knitlock knockneed knickerbocker sock
With a mock-shot blob-mottled trick-ticker top clock.
Not a supersheet seersucker rucksack sock,
Not a spot-speckled frog-freckled cheap sheik's sock
Off a hodge-podge moss-blotched scotch-botched block.
Nothing slipshod drip drop flip flop or glip glop
Tip me to a tip top grip top sock.
articulation warmup for actors
371
National Sheepshire Sheep Association
372
The crow flew over the river with a lump of raw liver.
373
The little red lorry went down Limuru road.
Limuru (Lee-moo-roo) road is a the name of a road in Kenya.
374
Flies fly but a fly flies.
375
Did Doug dig Dick's garden or did Dick dig Doug's garden?
by Paul Davies
376
If a Hottentot taught a Hottentot tot to talk ere the tot could totter, ought the Hottentot tot be taught to say ought or naught or what ought to be taught 'er?
377
How many cans can a canner can if a canner can can cans? A canner can can as many cans as a canner can if a canner can can cans.
378
Federal Express is now called FedEx.
When I retire I'll be a FedEx ex.
But if I'm an officer when I retire, I'll be an ex Fedex Exec.
Then after a divorce, my ex-wife will be an ex FedEx exec's ex.
If I rejoin FedEx in time, I'd be an ex ex FedEx exec.
When we remarry, my wife will be an ex ex FedEx exec's ex.
379
Which witch snitched the stitched switch for which the Swiss witch wished?
by Ann Clark
380
Does this shop sport short socks with spots?
381
Customer: Do you have soothers?
Shopkeeper (thinking he had said ""scissors""): No, we don't have scissors.
Customer: Soothers!
Shopkeeper : No, we don't have scissors or soothers.
... scissors or soothers, scissors or soothers, scissors or soothers, ...
actual conversation in a shop in Canada, recorded by Don Monson
382
Tommy, Tommy, toiling in a tailor's shop.
All day long he fits and tucks,
all day long he tucks and fits,
and fits and tucks, and tucks and fits,
and fits and tucks, and tucks and fits.
Tommy, Tommy, toiling in a tailor's shop.
383
No need to light a night light on a light night like tonight.
384
I wish to wish, I dream to dream, I try to try, and I live to live, and I'd die to die, and I cry to cry but I dont know why.
From a Song by Soundgarden named ""Somewhere"" composed and written by Ben Shepherd
385
My mommy makes me muffins on Mondays.
by Tim McCauley, age 8
386
A real rare whale.
387
Terry Teeter, a teeter-totter teacher, taught her daughter Tara to teeter-totter, but Tara Teeter didn't teeter-totter as Terry Teeter taught her to.
by Pierre Abbat
388
Ken Dodd's dad's dog 's dead.
389
I bought a bit of baking powder and baked a batch of biscuits. I brought a big basket of biscuits back to the bakery and baked a basket of big biscuits. Then I took the big basket of biscuits and the basket of big biscuits and mixed the big biscuits with the basket of biscuits that was next to the big basket and put a bunch of biscuits from the basket into a biscuit mixer and brought the basket of biscuits and the box of mixed biscuits and the biscuit mixer to the bakery and opened a tin of sardines.
Said to be a diction test for would-be radio announcers: To be read clearly, without mistakes, in less than 20 seconds (from Coronet Magazine, August 1948).
390
Kanta is a masai girl, she can tie a tie and untie a tie, if kanta can tie a tie and untie a tie, why can't I tie a tie and untie a tie?
391
I'm a mother pheasant plucker.
I pluck mother pheasants.
I'm the pleasantest mother pheasant plucker,
That ever plucked a mother pheasant.
Actually, ...
I'm Not the pheasant plucker,
I'm the pheasant plucker's son.
But I'll stay and pluck the pheasants
Till the pheasant plucking 's done!
392
If you go for a gopher a gopher will go for a gopher hole.
393
Seven slick and sexy sealskin ski suits slid slowly down the slope.
394
The chief of the Leith police dismisseth us.
395
Fred Threlfall's thirty-five fine threads are finer threads than Fred Threlfall's thirty-five thick threads.
by Anthony Nichols
396
Bug's black blood
397
Reed Wade Road
398
Jack's nap sack strap snapped.
399
I saw Esau sitting on a seesaw. I saw Esau; he saw me.
400
""Hitchcock Hawk Watch Spots Record Raptors""
Title of an article in the Neola Gazette
401
Sure, sir, the ship's sure shipshape, sir.
402
The Smothers brothers' father's mother's brothers are
the Smothers brothers' mother's father's other brothers.
403
Two dozen double damask dinner napkins
from an old radio comedy program
404
The cat crept into the crypt, crapped and crept out.
405
Dear mother,
give your other udder
to my other brother.
406
Blended baby blue bug's blood blotches.
made up watching bugs splatter on the windshield ... ugh!
Mon Dec 17, 2007 1:07 pm